dirt fingers

I cannot see the light you see
the glittering promise the raw earth holds,
I'm told,
I cannot taste, or reach
Ask and so you shall receive
Does not seem to apply to me
No intentionality,
no pronoia
bending whims and foibles over
- arching ethical obsessions
twisted moral less(i)ons
I have fought, worked, tried
I have asked, begged, cried
For a better life on the other side
Spaded over miles of loam
Found sleepy larvae, thirsty roots
in secret homes
Kept thinking arthropods were treasure
Happy with the warm, wet weather
Tried to share joy in fallen feathers
Still I find myself alone in
Trenches miles wide
And many miles long
Shook out my pockets
Cast as seeds my only song
To grow a gift to bring along
Turned over in the sun warmed soil
More than glad to offer toil
Fingers heavy, rich with mud
Traces left on all I touch
And dreamed that it would be enough
But not one wish I’ve hoped to sow
Will grow