I stand in the shower, smiling, alone
Though I am exhausted my pride is untouchable
fear scented sweat and cold cigarette smoke
spiral out of the drain, crawling back up my legs
to be mixed with a unknown stranger's soap
My soft leather jacket, my shoes, and my jeans,
fit themselves wet to my skin like a peel
as the water hits steaming, I turn it to cold
grinning anxiously back into sunken eyeholes
Before cracking the door to a house I don't know to
My childhood friend who I thought I had lost,
I do not yet know what this kinship will cost us
Tonight I'm delighted, I beg for a shower before a hello hug
Clock striking fourth hour just moments ago
I walk out your door with my bags on my shoulders
triple checking my keys are safely in my coat
I pull out my keys, I jump in my car,
I cautiously back out and notice the address
I'm creeping my way down the black foreign pavement
The stars overhead wink with soft secret madness
Roll south through a roundabout I'm not familiar with
I didn't realize they had these in Michigan
Soon as the town is tucked out of my sight
There's a camel in hand and a mystical quiet
I drown with the radio, screaming to Eminem
Staying awake by sheer force of intention
There's no one for miles, just fog thick like cotton
and fir trees and shorelines
And me yelling nothings
contained in my glass box as road lines get blurry
I'm counting up hours, my wheels slick with hurry
A man settled into his virtual slot machine
Walks out to the parking lot, turns down a beer from me
Shoves a coat hanger down next to my window glass
Locking me out just as 2oclock passes,
I take the coat hanger and
Shove it in there myself, hands shaking, heart pounding, tired and temper shot
Trying and failing and trying and failing and trying and failing
to get it unlocked
For over an hour
Folks roll up to get gas and take shots with the wire
Or laugh or encourage me, Before I quit
I suddenly find myself in a dead sprint
Noticing snow piles and laughing with pleasure
Despite circumstances I’m pleased with the weather
I make it to walmart - All other stores closed
I hurry inside and return the clothes hangers,
Back in the black but this time empty handed
Sprinting again with a hopeless last plan
Cause it’s just after Midnight and It’s Easter Sunday
I’m locked out of my car, and can’t possibly pay
For a locksmith, and towing is out of the question
Since home is four hours in southbound direction
Inside the gas station,
I already tried, to use ice scrapers, thick papers, and some zip ties
to unlock it, without luck, but they do have cigarettes
I’m not yet a smoker but decide I regret that I’m not
I buy camels, a soft pack of turkish kings,
No Idea what I like, I’m half rewarding
half punishing
What I have done today
Shaking identities
Cody would hate it
Alone it’s so easy
I pay at the counter,
I fill up my tank
Get back in my car
And ease off of the breaks
The sign I pass laughing reads;
“Welcome to Marinette”
Firmly in Wisconsin and heading towards home
There’s nothing but hours of near empty road
My speed cracking 80, with Semis for company
Time ticking by and the sun slowly rising
I’m passing my family’s home at the border
No moment to stop, no, my time’s in short order
I wasted intentions to be there by midnight
cause I left at seven instead of at five
Because I’m out of class but my car’s at the shop
My breaks and my rotors were practically shot
I’m anxious, impetuous, but I’m excited
I know what I’m planning is outside my wheelhouse
I hug Cody tightly
I’m going to miss him
It’s been years since I spent a whole day without him
I know he’s not pleased but I really don’t understand
Doesn’t he want me to grow up, to be a man?
I’m gonna prove
That I’m capable, I
just need to prove
To you
That I can.