Spittin’
I've been
doing everything that I can to grow
Believe the hardest thing I ever tried to do was let go
And the person who I really want to be
Who I'm gonna be
is a person lean, cut, mean;
A machine
And she's so bright that she's unbreakable
Scratch that,
One step up
Unshakable
Scratch that
One step up
Untouchable
Run them all off the field and bust my ass to the wall
to hold myself up
Go wild,
freak flag flying
Trust every single move that I make because it's mine
But clawing at me from the back of my mind
is this echoing voice that keeps asking me "Why"
It says "Why do you want to be lonely?
Don't try to console me
I live in here, baby, I know me,
How's running away from the one you love most gonna help you?
It won't, girl, You’re running from GHOSTS…."
And I'm fighting that, fighting it, fighting my pain
So which side of me 's right and which side is deranged?
Because one seems sadistic, the other pathetic
Each breath that I take I fight not to regret
Tried to so hard to be strong but you see me as weak
'Cause I struggle to wake and I struggle to sleep
My life's going fine, I just don't want to eat!
Throw myself into work like stones into the sea.
Well, I feel like I live on the edge of knife
Where one side is stasis, the other is strife
"How do I know what to do with my life?"
Isn't that what all of the millennials say?
So I get loud, I spit it out, "here's my couch, take a seat"
I don't need medication, I'm spittin' my talk therapy
Oh
They say to be hopeful because God is a father
But life's been full of empty promises so far
Ones I was given and ones that I made
I'm not pointing fingers, there's no room for blame
But I'm Over this
Done with doubt
know what I want
And I'm happy to wait but I'll push 'till I drop
Maybe some of us get fucked up right from the beginning
it sure seems hard to thrive when you're not sold on living
but there could be ways that the future seems brighter
and for that, and for you, and for ME I’m a fighter
I thought it was certain; I just needed time
but I made a wrong move and it's all on the line
I’m coughing on,
choking on
drowning in fear
but I know what I want and I’m still fucking here