Too old for awkward despondency and angst
S’posed to swallow discomfort silently once past a certain age
Babe’s bubblegum amoxicillin to nan’s ten-horsepill-tuesdays
It’s not that its stuck in my throat that’s the problem
but the fact that it all comes back up anyway

Hello, Lady. Could you be more cruel? 
do you think that's how I wanted to picture you?
fawning for your chew toy, full of fluids
I know we've both been open but it's fairly rude. 
Like, bitch, "I'm triggered" but genuine
pull my anxiety strings like a mannequin 
you're either ignorant of the damage done
or you find pleasure in digging that needle in

Twenty four arms, black and void
all from my center writhing,
While unknowable electric pulses
center in my spine And,
towering tall, grotesque in might,
Unfairly thriving I drink deeply,
my skin laps up blist'ring sunlight
and it tastes ambrosial sweet so

Sapiens is always filthy
We're efficient
We're corrupt
We can root out greener pastures
We will crush them into dust
we will fortify our towers
We will drink with fearsome lust
From the gentle valley rivers
From the oceans, black and rough.

Last night I dreamed that you forgave me
All my burdens washed away and
All I had to do was say,
I wanted this. That I was ready

We came together in a loft
just like the one in RRG

I would drink you ‘til I drown 
It seems I've no control in this. 
I tried to master my own world so
I would never hurt again
But in severe sterility I let robots and  demons win
And though we may makes jokes and grin 
That we are monsters and machines…

Swear there’s a swelling in my soul that
makes me dream neurotic things, it
puts a pressure in my brain it
gives its blessing to my whims and

Family thinks it’s peace to know that "God forgives me".

But you won't

I could walk 500 miles to fall down at your door and choke,
right?

Rise shining, stiff back scratch on bark
That's cracked as wide as shins and shoulders
Grip a brisk grin twixt my teeth
Sprint off, full of lust and wonder
Crush n crumble patterned lichen
scrambling over boulders…

Warmth late in the year leaves me conflicted
Want to curl up in the sun’s lap
Want to sprint to get my shit done
Try to meter out my options

Sometimes you speak,
sometimes I fantasize,
and often
neither one should be believed to
prove some truth against our odds
of simulacron data mines,

I miss lounging in your bed
Your nicotine sweetened breath an apparition
Ecto-hawk wings furling feathered round my head

“Calliope says practice magic,
But I’m not a clockwork toy;
I know what sorrow befalls men
who walk that fruitless path of toil”,

I’ve never let my ego mar a friendship before
I wanna like you less now every time you best me.
Something gross like noxious nestles in my chest at your successes,
Although all of them consistently impress me.
You do all the things I do but, I guess, better, and I hate it

I long

to slip my hands beneath your skin
Remove the sheath
And see
The seething mass Of gears and ribbons
Hidden
Underneath

The brighter you burn
The faster you turn into cinder
Splintering ash
The fact your core still smoulders boldly
Though it’s now 20 fractions shattered and smashed

Worst temps of the year on valentines day
Get a lung-load of that cold Feb-ru-Air, Eh?
Nothing sexy like systemic asthma triggers
Winds so brisk they set alveoli a-shiver
“So bleak, like my heart, it’s omenic” they say

Nevermind that we’re stuck in the ass end of winter

Our first taste of freedom was intoxicating,
but it's two steps forward, two steps back
Time hung heavy on a string from the rearview
:infinite turns round a mobius-track

I am going to dig myself a massive fucking pit
I am going to dig through rock until my palms blister and split
I am going to dig until I sweat out all my tears and spit
I am going to dig this hole and I am going to die it in